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Jokes

Desi Chap in love with a pretty Foreign Girl

Desi Chap in love with a pretty Foreign Girl A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.

HE WROTE :
Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation.
I have a strong indication to become your relation. As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation examination; no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.What do you say to the solemnisation of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.On your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion, To remain victim of your fascination.

SHE WROTE :
Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,
Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimum qualification for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation undergo beautification.Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.

I Remain, Unaffected by your affection.



THE AMERICAN VERSION OF DIWALI

THE AMERICAN VERSION OF DIWALI A young second generation Indian in the US, is explaining the significance of Diwali to his younger brother. This is how he went about doing it...
So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along...you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys,some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man mad, also his bro, Lakshman,pissed...pissed like anything And you DON't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like..., all the gods were with him.. So anyways, you don't mess with gods.
SO, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh. and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or like that.
So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought,well, you know,at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and hit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks.. really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks.. and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks...you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.
And,so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started. Cool! Diwali rocks, Maaann



DES AUR PARDES

DES AUR PARDES 1. Mother-in law:
In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable.
In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated
baby sitter for free?
2. Husband:
In Des - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.
In Pardes - Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
3. Friend:
In Des - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
In Pardes - A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.
4. Wife:
In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
5. Son:
In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
6. Daughter:
In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when her doli is about to leave.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any doli time.
7. Father:
In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.?
8. Desi Engineer:
In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai.
In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
9. Desi Doctor:
In Des - A respectable person with ok income.
In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi".
10. Bhangra:
In Des - A vigorous punjabi festival dance.
In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
11. Software Engineer:
In Des - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line.
In Pardes - The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati Puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year.
12. A Green Card holder bachelor:
In Des - the guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good Looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there.
In Pardes - the guy can't speak English, wears jacket all the time, works in a Candy store at Manhattan, dreams of owning a BMW.



GHALIB ....

GHALIB .... Aur, end me Ghalib ke liye ek dam fit sher.
Kyon apni kabar khod raha hai Galib...
Kyon apni kabar khod raha hai Galib...
La, phawda mujhe de.



SHADI IS BARBADI

SHADI IS BARBADI Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?



AD SERIES

AD SERIES Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye
Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye,
Iodex maliye kaam pe chaliye

Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao,
Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao,
Melody khao khud jaan jao.

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan

Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Tan ki shakti, man ki shakti, Bournvita

Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Sin (Teta) / Cos(Teta) =Tan(Teta)


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