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Jokes

Madam, do you have any weapons...

Madam, do you have any weapons... A lady arrived at the Madras airport after spending 36 hours in transit. She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids. Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," the lady said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."



Kyunke meine tumhare COKE se janam liya hai!!

Kyunke meine tumhare COKE se janam liya hai!! Ek ladki COKE pi rahi hai. A fly is found in her coke. When she removes the fly it gives birth to a baby fly and it dies. Now jab woh baby fly aakhen kholti hai to ladki ko dekhke bolti hai MAA!!!!" To wo ladki bolti hai,mein teri maa nahi hoon phir tune mujhye maa kyun kaha? "kyunke meine tumhare COKE se janam liya hai!!



Bill Clinton decided to teach Laloo English

Bill Clinton decided to teach Laloo English Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White House, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English. Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out. The whole country and its economy have come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome. At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over his face. The shocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr. Clinton?" Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"



WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?

WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP? There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him. "I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash." "Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically. "Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically. "I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!" "Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you." He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you." "Dilip, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Anil, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Priya, my child, are you here?" I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Well," said Raju thoughtfully, "if Shilpa, Dilip, Anil and Priya are here..... WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP?"



Business is business.

Business is business. A young Gujju boy starts attending a christian public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I think Mahatma Gandhi was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country." The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for." Another young student raises his hand and says, "I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war." "Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for." Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she says, that's the answer I was looking for." She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop. Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop. He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?" The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, "Look, I know it's Krishna, and YOU know it's Krishna, but business is business."



Santa Singh in a crowded bus

Santa Singh in a crowded bus Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree-clad female, standing in front of him,"Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his "Adventure". He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he could stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he could stay there for the night. The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He went towards the next house and without taking any risks, asked," Do you have "grown up" daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night..... "


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