Breaking
up is the most difficult and painful phase of a relationship.
Though it is painful but it is always better to end a bad
relationship rather than drag it on hoping that some miracle
will happen. Thus the moment you think that your relationship
is not working out and there is more pain rather than pleasure,
it is my advice to you that talk it over with your partner
and get over with it. Don't torture yourself with a broken
relationship. The best way to do it is to offer the person,
to the best of your ability, a clean, amicable and clear separation.
While there is no definitive way to do this, here are a few
guidelines that may help you.
Specific Reasons: Don't
let him wonder what went wrong and keep him guessing. Give
him the exact reason why you want to break and be frank and
truthful both to yourself and to you too. This will give him
an opportunity to really evaluate his behaviour and vices
and which in turn will help him in his future relationships
Where
to Break up: Don't break up over the phone. Meet
him at a public place that will give you a certain level
of privacy, if you think that the news might terribly upset
him and he might get wild and physical with you. If such
is not the case then try to do it some place you can be
alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain
happy memories from your relationship. You don't want to
spoil them.
How
to Do It: Don't
start by criticism and saying bitter things. Deal with the
situation coolly. Make it clear to him that the relationship
isn't working for you both because you expect different
things from the relationship, or that you've reached a line
that you don't feel you can cross back over. Be specific
as to what you say and be sincere and truthful. Take extra
care in your choice of wording, but never lie.
What
next: This is the most difficult phase. Because to an extent you
will be strained with guilt and grief. Thus if you think
that you are unable to control your emotions and you might
get back into the relationship then try a complete "black
out" period. Agree neither of you will have contact
with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure
that you have no contact with him till you are not normal
and then decide as to whether you want to be friends with
him.
Your
other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to
only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly
narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain
things like wishing you were back together, or whether you
are seeing anyone new, etc. Gradually you will get over
him and the relationship and you can start a new relationship
of friendship.
