Love and Romance >> Breaking Up >> Steps to breaking up


Breaking up is the most difficult and painful phase of a relationship. Though it is painful but it is always better to end a bad relationship rather than drag it on hoping that some miracle will happen. Thus the moment you think that your relationship is not working out and there is more pain rather than pleasure, it is my advice to you that talk it over with your partner and get over with it. Don't torture yourself with a broken relationship. The best way to do it is to offer the person, to the best of your ability, a clean, amicable and clear separation. While there is no definitive way to do this, here are a few guidelines that may help you.

Specific Reasons: Don't let him wonder what went wrong and keep him guessing. Give him the exact reason why you want to break and be frank and truthful both to yourself and to you too. This will give him an opportunity to really evaluate his behaviour and vices and which in turn will help him in his future relationships

Where to Break up: Don't break up over the phone. Meet him at a public place that will give you a certain level of privacy, if you think that the news might terribly upset him and he might get wild and physical with you. If such is not the case then try to do it some place you can be alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain happy memories from your relationship. You don't want to spoil them.

How to Do It: Don't start by criticism and saying bitter things. Deal with the situation coolly. Make it clear to him that the relationship isn't working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship, or that you've reached a line that you don't feel you can cross back over. Be specific as to what you say and be sincere and truthful. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie.

What next: This is the most difficult phase. Because to an extent you will be strained with guilt and grief. Thus if you think that you are unable to control your emotions and you might get back into the relationship then try a complete "black out" period. Agree neither of you will have contact with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure that you have no contact with him till you are not normal and then decide as to whether you want to be friends with him.

Your other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain things like wishing you were back together, or whether you are seeing anyone new, etc. Gradually you will get over him and the relationship and you can start a new relationship of friendship.


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