 To
be friends after breaking up is one question that is quite
difficult to answer. It's easy to say that," Lets be
friends" but is it really possible? Well different people
have different perspective but from my experience I can tell
you that friendship with your ex is quite possible. However
if you have been in a bad, abusive and tense relationship
then it is better to look forward and forget your past. But
if you have had an amicable break up and you still want to
be in contact with your ex then you can follow these steps
to build up a future relationship which you can cherish all
your life.
Give yourself time to heal: After a break up it is very important
that you give yourself cooling off period. After break up
it is very natural to feel grief, resentment and humiliation.
Therefore you need time to pull yourself together.
Try
to understand your feelings: If your relationship
and break up had been very bitter and you think that it will
be best that you don't keep any contacts with your ex then
its fine and move ahead. If your ex wants to keep contact
with you then make it very clear to him what you want. But
if you think that what has happened, has happened for the
best and maybe you two weren't made for one another then you
can consider starting a fresh relationship of friendship with
him. Thus you have to evaluate what you want and then take
the initiative.
Breaking
the ice:
Once you have made up your mind and your emotions are in your
control then start establishing the new friendship. Start
out simple. Call him and ask how that big project went at
work or some other neutral question about the other person's
life. Be genuine and interested and please don't overdo it.
Have an easy conversation and close by saying that you enjoyed
talking again, and hope that you can do it again soon. As
time goes by, you can continue to work on this part to a point
where you might ask him to join you and a group of friends
for a night out or to a party with mutual friends, if that's
okay with him. Don't force him if he doesn't want to coz he
might not feel comfortable going out with your friends. If
you have common friends then you can ask them to organize
something for you so that you two can meet up and try to smooth
out the relationship. Make sure that it cannot be construed
as a date, unless of course you have ulterior motives.
Points
to avoid: While
you are together try avoiding topics that are hurtful. Avoid
getting into confrontational conversations and steer clear
of blame and accusations. Forget about the past and concentrate
on building up a new relationship.
Remember
to give the whole procedure some time:
Be patient and don't expect it to happen over night. However
you also have to bear in mind that this relationship is also
a two way street. If the other person is not willing to try
a friendship, then you cannot do anything about it and it
will be wise to forget it and be happy that at least you tried.
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