Relationship Break-up        

Most of us can tell if a relationship is going sour, but often we want to ignore it thinking, praying that things will be fine. In at least one relationship you'll have in your life, inevitably the day will come when you ask yourself, "Is this working?" or "Will our relationship last?" or "When's the right time to break this off?" Know that it is time to break up if you experience the following symptoms in your relationship:

1. He stops returning your phone calls.

2. He stops taking interest in you and stops listening.

3. He doesn't notice that you have had a haircut or you are wearing the earrings he had gifted to you.

4. He has endless excuses for why you can't get together.

5. He never talks about future plans.

6. He ignores intimate talk and is more pre-occupied.

7. He seems to be ignoring you.

Thus the moment you think that something is wrong in your relationship it is my advice to you that talk it over with your partner and if things don't seem to work, get over with it. Don't torture yourself with a broken relationship. Imagine hitting your head against the wall. Does it hurt yet? If it doesn't, would you hit it harder? When will it hurt so much that you'll be forced to stop banging against the wall? Consider emotional pain like that physical pain: When will your heart hurt so bad that you stop running after people who make you unhappy? Imagine that every time your heart is broken, your heart muscle gets chipped and torn. Be as protective with your emotions as you would be with your body.

Learn to comprehend where you stand in your relationship. Think of dating as a long road punctuated by traffic lights. Red lights signal danger, yellow lights require caution, and green lights mean keep going but proceed with caution.

You are at a green light if your mate:
1. Loves you without having great expectations or demands.
2. Is responsible and trustworthy.
3. Listens to what you say and does not dominate you.
4. Is open to commitment.
5. Is sensitive and freely expresses his feelings.
6. Respects your sentiments and views and displays respect for self and others.
7. You are comfortable with him and feel safe and secure in his arms.


You're at a yellow light when:
1. He has hurt your feelings and displays no respect for you and your feelings.
2. Friends are giving you warnings about him, though you're not sure they're true.
3. There is a history of bad relationships.
4. You fall in love too fast (without testing and observing).
5. You spend too much time just "hanging out" without doing anything meaningful.
6. He cancels or forgets dates.
7. You wait by the phone or feel you are wasting your time "waiting" for the other to come around.


You know you're at a red light and it's time to put on the brakes and think whether you want to continue in this relationship when:
1. You're experiencing more pain than pleasure.
2. You're being mentally, physically, or sexually abused.
3. He betrays you or cheats on you.
4. You feel used, abused, or foolish.
5. He keeps secrets from you or lies more often.
6. Either of you has a lot of unresolved anger toward the same or opposite sex.
7. He is pushy, controlling, or obsessed with sex.
8. His life is dangerous (involves guns, drugs, illegal acts).


"Do's" and "Don'ts" for breaking up with someone:
1. DON'T break up over the phone
2. DON'T break up on a day that is important for him like his B'day, anniversary, Valentine's Day or on a holiday----- an otherwise happy day will be tinged with pain, or an already painful day will become more unbearable.
3. DON'T get wrangled by guilt into changing your mind.
4. DON'T criticize your partner before breaking up by telling him what you hated about him.
5. DON'T blame him for something he has/hasn't done.
6. DON'T give any signal as to there are chances of reunion.
7. DO spell out the terms of the separation clearly (We shouldn't call each other") so that there is no room for misunderstanding.
8. DO reaffirm that there was something good between you and tell him how wonderful he has been.
9. DO be respectful but firm.