Marrying a man who has lost his wife or who is divorced from his first wife is a tough decision to make. This is a situation where you are labeled as a "second wife" who necessarily has to be a Hindi film vamp even if the truth is quite contrary. Normally being a second wife is a tough job. The case further complicated if there are children by the man's former marriage. And still worse, if suchchildren happen to be grown up, with minds of their own. Thus if you opt to marry a man who is married once then you have to take many factors in to consideration, make lots of compromise, be patient and loving and most important be confident. Once you have taken the plunge then you have to make the marriage work. Estrangements, misunderstandings, arguments, bitterness or daily conflicts can prove nightmarish indeed.

Whatever be the reason behind a second marriage, the onus is mainly on the second wife to make the marriage click This is because woman is always considered to be the one to make things work and only she can improve relationship and give love and compassion and also teach man the same. This definitely is not going to be easy but with a little bit of patience and determination you can make things wonderful for yourself as well as your spouse.

Following are instances of situations that a second wife is most likely to face and solutions to tackle them:

• Your husband has small children from his first marriage, who refuse to accept you. This is the most challenging task. If your husband has no issues from his first marriage, then consider yourself extremely lucky. Your hindrances and tensions will be minimized and you can raise a family at your ease. However if your husband has small children then still you have a chance and don't be panicky and try to win them over. Little children crave for affection and attention. If you are able to provide these elements, then they will surely accept you. In case you are able to foster cordial relationships with the children, you husband will be more than grateful to you. Indirectly this will improve your mutual relationship too.

• If your husband has teenager kids then things can be difficult. In that situation it will be best if you allow your husband to spend adequate time with them. On you part, do not be hostile to them. Rather, try to gain their confidence and help them out if they are in trouble. You might encounter a certain amount of antagonism and hatred initially. But gradually they will mellow down and accept you. But that also depends how much you are willing to compromise and whether you are ready to accept them.

• Do not try to deprive your stepchildren of their father's love, company, property and resources. This generally happens, the moment the second wife has children of her own. Please don't make this mistake and lose the trust, respect, love and faith of your husband, children and others. One thing you should remember and that is never treat your stepchildren as stepchildren. Love them as your own.

• Do not make any spiteful and unkind remarks about your husband's former wife, in front of the children. This may hurt them very deeply. Also do not express any bitterness or malice against the former wife. It is bound to upset your husband. If he praises her in a bid to pull your leg, take it calmly. You will have to reconcile with the idea that at nearly every step there will be comparisons with the first wife .So be cool and learn to bear with it. With time it will vanish.

• One thing you have to remember to get your husband's love and respect is never attempt to prejudice your husband against the children. Do not report their mistakes or misbehavior to the father. Try to exercise restraint, be patient with them. Handle everything on your own without involving your husband, unless matters threaten to go out of control. In case your husband is angry with the children, try to defend them against him. His will not only impress your husband but will also create love and trust in the minds of the children.