Marriage and Beyond >> Surviving Husband's Affair

You know that your husband is having an affair and you also know what is the reason behind it. Then next thing is to confront him. This may be tough but you have to do it to save your marriage. You might not always get a confession that easily but assuming that both spouses would sincerely like to make things work, then there are several stages the couple will have to go through as they rebuild their marriage and trust.

The confession of an affair is usually followed by a time (not lasting more than a week or two) of intense sexual and romantic activity as the couple desperately tries to forget the past and thinks that only love and passion can wash away the memory of the infidelity. However that never happens, and soon the couple knows it. Then the full force of the pain, bitterness, hurt and anger comes out. During that a situation what is needed is patience, understanding, love and cooperation. You can also go for counseling but there also cooperation of the couple is required. Try the following technique to end the extra-marital affair.

1. Confrontation and Disclosure
Honesty is what will be required to make the marriage work. The spouse who has been cheated on must be given the freedom to honestly express whatever feelings he or she has and ask whatever questions he or she feels are important. The spouse who committed the affair must be direct with his or her answers. Though confessions are not so easy and the unfaithful partner will try to put the blame on the other partner by saying 'if you had been nice to me this never would have happened in the first place'. Here what is necessary is to make the unfaithful partner realize how much damage the affair has caused upon you and your relationship. You also have to tackle the situation very cautiously and lovingly making him realize all the time that you need him, you love him and how much the marriage means to you and to both of you. If the unfaithful spouse is taking responsibility for his or her actions and is patiently listening to the mate's pain, then couple will be able to move to step two.

2. Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust will involve lot of trust and understanding of the couple. First of all the unfaithful spouse has to give up all kinds of contact with the third person and take genuine efforts of rebuilding trust. He has to reassure his wife that he will no longer keep contact with her and the wife also has to forgive and forget. The couples once again must go back into their romance and honeymoon stage. They should start all over again; go on dates and for picnics or to movies. Thus try to know about each other all over again and try to be as close to each other as never before.

3. Forget and let go
Some woman may not want to heal because she'll lose the upper hand that his guilt gives her in the relationship; she unnecessarily builds a monument of her pain and ends up pushing him away. The inability of a wife to let go of the pain can even provoke another affair. At some point, you have to let it go. There are many questions that come to your mind and you might feel what if he does it again. But there is a time when you have to stop worrying and let go of the pain and suffering and start trusting him. I know it is difficult but just give your husband a chance.


Marriage and Beyond >> Surviving Husband's Affair

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