know that your husband is having an affair and you also
know what is the reason behind it. Then next thing is
to confront him. This may be tough but you have to do
it to save your marriage. You might not always get a
confession that easily but assuming that both spouses
would sincerely like to make things work, then there
are several stages the couple will have to go through
as they rebuild their marriage and trust.
The confession of an affair is usually followed by a
time (not lasting more than a week or two) of intense
sexual and romantic activity as the couple desperately
tries to forget the past and thinks that only love and
passion can wash away the memory of the infidelity.
However that never happens, and soon the couple knows
it. Then the full force of the pain, bitterness, hurt
and anger comes out. During that a situation what is
needed is patience, understanding, love and cooperation.
You can also go for counseling but there also cooperation
of the couple is required. Try the following technique
to end the extra-marital affair.
1. Confrontation and Disclosure
Honesty is what will be required to make the marriage
work. The spouse who has been cheated on must be given
the freedom to honestly express whatever feelings he
or she has and ask whatever questions he or she feels
are important. The spouse who committed the affair must
be direct with his or her answers. Though confessions
are not so easy and the unfaithful partner will try
to put the blame on the other partner by saying 'if
you had been nice to me this never would have happened
in the first place'. Here what is necessary is to make
the unfaithful partner realize how much damage the affair
has caused upon you and your relationship. You also
have to tackle the situation very cautiously and lovingly
making him realize all the time that you need him, you
love him and how much the marriage means to you and
to both of you. If the unfaithful spouse is taking responsibility
for his or her actions and is patiently listening to
the mate's pain, then couple will be able to move to
2. Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust will involve lot of trust and understanding
of the couple. First of all the unfaithful spouse has
to give up all kinds of contact with the third person
and take genuine efforts of rebuilding trust. He has
to reassure his wife that he will no longer keep contact
with her and the wife also has to forgive and forget.
The couples once again must go back into their romance
and honeymoon stage. They should start all over again;
go on dates and for picnics or to movies. Thus try to
know about each other all over again and try to be as
close to each other as never before.
3. Forget and let go
Some woman may not want to heal because she'll lose
the upper hand that his guilt gives her in the relationship;
she unnecessarily builds a monument of her pain and
ends up pushing him away. The inability of a wife to
let go of the pain can even provoke another affair.
At some point, you have to let it go. There are many
questions that come to your mind and you might feel
what if he does it again. But there is a time when you
have to stop worrying and let go of the pain and suffering
and start trusting him. I know it is difficult but just
give your husband a chance.