cheaqting-finalLately you sense that something is wrong about the way your partner is behaving. He comes in late, doesn’t spend quality time with you and the kids. Whenever you ask he either avoids the topic or says there is lot of work load. If you call him on the cell during work it’s switched off and if you call at office he is not there. When you ask him about it he says he was out for a meeting etc. Lots of doubts have already started creeping up and you are worried sick about it. You are thinking that he might be cheating on you. You can sense that he has been lying to you but you wonder, "How can I tell if my partner is lying?” There is a reliable way to find out if your partner is lying. Just follow the following steps.

Step one
First, make sure you really want to know the truth. These techniques work very quickly, so before using them you need to be sure what you really want. Just remember one thing that every relationship thrives on love, honesty and trust. And if trust and honesty are broken then there can be no love in your relationship.


Step two
Think carefully about the exact question you want answered. Sex and money are the two subjects partners lie about most. In order to get at the truth, your question, regardless of the subject, needs to be specific and to the point. Threfore avoid beating about the bush. For example, don't ask, "Do you find so-and-so attractive?" if what you really want to know is, "Have you had sex with so-and-so?" or “Since when are you having an affair with so-and-so?”


Step three

Learn the Three Red Flags that signal concealment.
Red Flag No. 1: Body Language Indicating Concealment. In the first few seconds after you ask your question, notice if your partner shows any of the following body language:

Face-touching -- When you ask the question, does he or she suddenly touch the face or cover part of it?

Arm/leg shift -- Does the person suddenly change the position of his or her arms or legs? Two common reactions: crossing arms over chest quickly and crossing one leg over another.

Eye shift -- When you ask the question, does he or she shift eyes away from contact or lock into a hard stare of excessively intense eye contact?

Body turn -- Does the person turn his or her body away from you slightly?

Red Flag No. 2: Voice Mannerisms Indicating Concealment. When you ask a question that exposes a lie, your partner's voice will often give clues to the real truth. Listen for these reactions in the first few seconds after you ask the question:

Pitch shift -- Does the person's voice suddenly go up or down in pitch?

Speed shift -- Does he or she suddenly begin speaking faster?

Hems and haws -- Does the person cough, clear the throat or fumble around vocally with a sudden increase in filler words such as "er," "um," and "uh"?

Red Flag No. 3: Attitude Reactions Indicating Concealment. Instead of answering a question with the simple truth, your partner may defensively avoid the question with a sudden display of attitude. Watch for these reactions in the first few seconds after asking a question:

Hostility -- Does he or she react with hostility? (For example, you ask, "Have you had sex with So-and-so?" and your partner responds with, "Why the hell would you ask a thing like that?" instead of a simple yes or no.)

Indignation -- Does he or she react with indignation? (You ask, "Have you had sex with so-and-so?" Your partner responds with, "I'm offended that you could even think such a thought!")

Turnaround -- Does he or she respond to your question with a question instead of an answer? (You ask, "Have you had sex with so-and-so?" Your partner responds with, "Why are you doing this to me?")


Step four
Before asking the big question, first get a baseline by noticing if your partner shows any Red Flags when you ask simple and normal questions. Ask a simple yes-or-no question your partner is not likely to lie about: "Do you want eggs this morning?" or "Is the coffee cold?" Watch the reaction carefully. You probably won't see any Red Flags when you ask these questions, but you need to get a baseline to find out if your mate does any of the Red Flags under normal, non-lying circumstances.


Step five
Pop the crucial question and watch the reactions. Be mindful of timing, though. Don't do any of this while either of you are driving or operating equipment of any kind. If you have children, make sure that they are not around.


If you have caught him lying then don’t think that you have won and he/she needs to be punished. The real issues that need to be confronted are those that gave rise to the lie. It is important to understand what triggered the lie and what you and your partner can do to bring love and trust back into your relationship. There is a strong tendency to engage in blame and accusation at such a time thereby bringing in lots of anger, hatred and resentment. What you need is to try and understand your partner, listen and listen to him/her, give him/her one more change and seek assistance from counselor.

 

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