Marriage and Beyond >> Surviving Husband's Affair

After you have understood what an affair means and what are its types, the next thing you need to know, before you take any steps to deal with it, is to know what causes its. Thus identifying the reason is a crucial thing because it is no good blaming anyone or yourself for the affair.

The reasons can be many but you must be ready to take the initiative to identify it and try to cooperate to solve the problem rather than complicate it. Generally speaking, an extra-marital affair points to something that has gone wrong in a marriage. Some of the reasons for extra-marital affairs are as under. I will deal with each of them in detail.

Lack of emotional closeness.
Lack of interest in each other.
Lack of communication.
Passion has died down, or it has never existed.
Lack of commitment to each other.
Lack of understanding.
Over possessiveness.
Loneliness and boredom.


Lack of emotional closeness
Marriage is not only a physical bonding but also it is an emotional bonding. Each partner is emotionally attached to one another and depends on the other for comfort and caring. Thus when in a marriage there is no emotional closeness then in such circumstances one finds emotional and mental peace elsewhere. Thus my advice to you is do not become insensitive and uncaring. What a marriage requires is love, compassion and understanding and for this emotional closeness is a must.

Lack of interest in each other
This also causes a marriage a serious threat and can ruin your marriage. Take interest in your husband's work, hobbies and activities. By this I do not mean that you should give up your work and hobbies. What I meant is once in a while surprise your husband by participating in his interest like go out to see a football or a cricket match with him, even if you do not like it.

Lack of communication
Keep the lines of communication open. In couples where they don't talk so much and keep secrets from one another, affairs are far more tempting, as someone else can provide what's missing from the relationship.

Passion has died down, or it has never existed
We all think that an affair is to do with extra-marital sex. It isn't necessarily so. Research shows that most people don't have an affair because they want sex. What a person wants is love and passion in a relationship. Once you don't provide that he looks for it elsewhere.

Lack of commitment to each other
In a marriage commitment is the vital thing. Though men don't want to be committed but they do expect commitment from their partner. Once the essence of marriage is gone the path is clear for an affair to walk in.

Lack of understanding
Your marriage rests upon your understanding and cooperation. Thus to keep your marriage affair-proof never misunderstand your husband or create unnecessary complications. What your man wants is affection and to be cared for. These things are incredibly important - be warm with your partner, give praise and say you care.

Over possessiveness
Jealousy and over-possessiveness is also a cause of extra-marital affair. So keep yourself away from it.

Loneliness and boredom
Give time to your home, husband and family because everyone wants attention and love. Don't be so busy with your work that you can have no time to devote for your partner so that he has to turn to someone else for love. Thus to survive your husband's affair you have to understand and identify the reasons behind this behaviour and also admit your mistakes and learn to take the blame on yourself if you really are the culprit. Ask yourself these questions and see if you are really the one who has caused this thing to happen. People are always very keen to blame a third party - 'She was a man-eater' or 'He was out for whatever he could get'. This is beside the point. You need to ask, 'What caused the affair?' Blaming your partner, or the third party, is useless. You need to look at your own responsibilities.

Thus you need to rebuild your relationship to what it was like in the early days. You need to remember the reason you are with each other.


Marriage and Beyond >> Surviving Husband's Affair

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