you have understood what an affair means and what are
its types, the next thing you need to know, before you
take any steps to deal with it, is to know what causes
its. Thus identifying the reason is a crucial thing
because it is no good blaming anyone or yourself for
The reasons can be many but you must be ready to take
the initiative to identify it and try to cooperate to
solve the problem rather than complicate it. Generally
speaking, an extra-marital affair points to something
that has gone wrong in a marriage. Some of the reasons
for extra-marital affairs are as under. I will deal
with each of them in detail.
Lack of emotional closeness.
Lack of interest in each other.
Lack of communication.
Passion has died down, or it has never existed.
Lack of commitment to each other.
Lack of understanding.
Loneliness and boredom.
Lack of emotional closeness
Marriage is not only a physical
bonding but also it is an emotional bonding. Each partner
is emotionally attached to one another and depends on
the other for comfort and caring. Thus when in a marriage
there is no emotional closeness then in such circumstances
one finds emotional and mental peace elsewhere. Thus
my advice to you is do not become insensitive and uncaring.
What a marriage requires is love, compassion and understanding
and for this emotional closeness is a must.
of interest in each other
This also causes a marriage a serious threat and can
ruin your marriage. Take interest in your husband's
work, hobbies and activities. By this I do not mean
that you should give up your work and hobbies. What
I meant is once in a while surprise your husband by
participating in his interest like go out to see a football
or a cricket match with him, even if you do not like
Lack of communication
Keep the lines of communication open. In couples where
they don't talk so much and keep secrets from one another,
affairs are far more tempting, as someone else can provide
what's missing from the relationship.
Passion has died
down, or it has never existed
We all think that an affair is to do with extra-marital
sex. It isn't necessarily so. Research shows that most
people don't have an affair because they want sex. What
a person wants is love and passion in a relationship.
Once you don't provide that he looks for it elsewhere.
of commitment to each other
In a marriage commitment is the vital thing. Though
men don't want to be committed but they do expect commitment
from their partner. Once the essence of marriage is
gone the path is clear for an affair to walk in.
Your marriage rests upon your understanding
and cooperation. Thus to keep your marriage affair-proof
never misunderstand your husband or create unnecessary
complications. What your man wants is affection and
to be cared for. These things are incredibly important
- be warm with your partner, give praise and say you
Jealousy and over-possessiveness is also a cause of
extra-marital affair. So keep yourself away from it.
Loneliness and boredom
Give time to your home, husband and family because everyone
wants attention and love. Don't be so busy with your
work that you can have no time to devote for your partner
so that he has to turn to someone else for love. Thus
to survive your husband's affair you have to understand
and identify the reasons behind this behaviour and also
admit your mistakes and learn to take the blame on yourself
if you really are the culprit. Ask yourself these questions
and see if you are really the one who has caused this
thing to happen. People are always very keen to blame
a third party - 'She was a man-eater' or 'He was out
for whatever he could get'. This is beside the point.
You need to ask, 'What caused the affair?' Blaming your
partner, or the third party, is useless. You need to
look at your own responsibilities.
Thus you need to rebuild your relationship to what it
was like in the early days. You need to remember the
reason you are with each other.